Coaching questions for six tricky situations
Derek Robertson , Lead Designer
(Chartered FCIPD, MCMI, MInstLM, NLP Practitioner and Coach)
Author of The Great Cape Escapade (A Fable about effective meetings)
6 min read
Introduction
Helping people arrive at their own solutions is important to business success. Hence the massive coaching industry and our clients often asking us to train their coaches.
Coaches face common situations that risk their mind going blank. So, for aspiring or experienced coaches the following situations will resonate with you.
There’s coaching and there’s coaching
To be clear, I’m talking the non-directive, asking questions kind of coach not the telling in a nice way coach. One approach grows the performer by raising the performer’s awareness and generating responsibility. The other keeps responsibility with the coach and stunts the performer’s growth.
The situations
#1 The mirage goal
Great coaching starts with clarity over the ultimate goal. Channelling your inner-Yoda, you’ll pick up when the stated goal ain’t right. Maybe something in the performer’s voice or non-verbals.
The solution, as is often the way, is to check it out with an easy question. Here’s the best one I use.
“What’s the real goal?”
A little emphasis on the word real and then silence. Sure enough, the performer will start to talk about their real goal.
#2 The merchants of doom
Asking one of these performers what they want help with and you’ll get both barrels. They just love talking about what’s wrong, how terrible the workplace is, their colleagues, their technology and so on. They're good at it – probably from years of practice.
You must allow this venting phase – never shut it down – then apply another short question.
“What do you want it to be like?”
Like a video buffering, there’s a pause as their brain tries to process a different way of thinking. Your simple question prompts a fundamental shift.
When they do talk, it’s much easier to focus on what they want “it” to be like, on the way to actions.
#3 Reality mist
You can’t coach performers to solutions without getting super-clear on the current reality. I’m sure you’ve experienced responses like:
- It’s rubbish
- She hates me
- It’s always been like that
Like the misty forest they need to see the trees. To get descriptive from generalisations stay calm and ask a short question. Ones like:
- “What evidence do you have for that?”
- “How do you know that this is the case?”
- “Were there ever times when it has been successful?”
- “What have you done about it so far? What were the results?”
#4 The responsibility allergics
Coaches get misunderstood. Many think or expect you’re a helpdesk. They lay their issue(s) in front of you and you provide the solutions. Here are a few examples of it in action with straightforward responses.
| “You’re the manager. You tell me.” | You’re right I could tell you. I believe it is my job to grow and develop all of my team and part of that is helping you to problem-solve issues like this one. So, what might you do next? How about one option to start with? |
| “That’s your job.” | “It’s also my job to develop the people around me and I’m certain that you have some options we can explore.” |
#5 The brain-foggers
With a goal and the current reality explored, you’ll invite the performer to say what might be options for them. Here are some challenges and an option for each.
| “I can’t think.” | "I know for a fact that you can and do think. I bet you’ve had some thoughts about how to progress this? Tell me about them even if you have rejected them for some reason.” |
| “That’s why I’m here because I don’t know.” |
“Ok. How about you start by telling me what ideas you have had?” Then, for each idea recalled, ask questions about what led her to reject it." |
In response to a performer saying “I don’t know”, consider using what I call the conscious mind bypass. Speaking a little more quickly than usual ask, “I know you don’t know but let’s imagine that you did have some options. What might they be?” Amazingly, you will have much success with this.
#6 The commitment-phobes
When it comes to committing to actions, be ready for vagueness from your performer. It could be just the way they speak, a conscious effort to placate you or a clue that they’re not fully committed. Either way you can’t settle for vague. Notice in the following example all the things you’d need to ask about to get genuine commitment.
“I’ll progress the suggested training programme by July and we will need to get the management team’s agreement. I suppose it will be up to me to let my colleagues know what’s happening and I’ll try to do that. Overall, I guess it will be OK, I suppose.”
Your takeaways
- All coaches face common tricky situations from their performers
- Listening with 100% of your being
- Simple short questions are your solutions
Final thought
If you do just one thing, it’s trust your inner voice. If it’s saying ‘check this out’ . . . do it.
Your next action
Check out the following free resources and downloads to help you: